I feel like shit. I treat people like crap on accident. Apparently, I'm a bitch. It's not like I'm trying. Yeah, some people I snap at because I don't LIKE them and have no reason to be polite... But my BOYFRIEND mistakes my happy texts and things for sarcastic, bitchy ones. He's really sensative but STILL. It hurts to know that he thinks I'm naturally like that too. I'm not. Its just my sense of humor. I learned it from my dad. I'm SORRY. None of you have any IDEA how sorry I am. When I try to be myself, I get asked "What's WRONG with you? Why are you being like this?" because I say things I wouldn't normally say unless it was in a bitchy tone and I get defensive. I don't MEAN anything I say when I'm bitchy.

I love him. I love my boyfriend to friggin' peices but I don't want him to think I'm always mad. He says he scared I'm going to get mad and stay mad. I'm never mad for more than a few minutes. As soon as I'm away from him or we stop talking I instantly want to apologize. And every time I do, he says its his fault, not mine. He "shouldn't have done IT, shouldn't have said whatever he said." He's so amazing. There's no way this can be real. He wants to marry me...

And Kelsie, he and I aren't abusive. We do that in front of each others friends... It's weird. We don't do it on purpose. Its kind of showing off for our friends. . . Subconsciously. We're relaly sweet when it's just the two of us. You'd be surprised. Everyone would be. We really are a loving couple.

GOOOOOOOD, I'm a horrible fucking person... I really am. And no one believes me. I have the best in my mind and my heart but it all comes out totally fucked up and wrong. I hurt everyone I love... Then I lose them...

And to wrap it all up, I think I have PSTD...